9 Things to Dislike About Spiders

1. They come over uninvited all the time
And when you do invite them, they never RSVP properly! I have thirty spiders "maybe attending" my graduation party. How am I supposed to plan for that?

2. Hairy legs
Apparently they do not feel obligated to shave their legs. Neither do I, frankly. But at least I have the decency of wearing pants.

3. Bitey teeth
If a spider offers to give you head, say "NO!"

4. They move too fast
Three days into the relationship, you find their moisturising cream in your bathroom, and their webs taking half of your closet already.

5. They have too many eyes
Watching your every move with great scrutiny, silently waiting for you to fuck something up. When you go into a staring contest with a spider peering over your shoulder, the spider always wins.

6. They scare Amber
They scare her for their reckless, devil-may-care attitude towards their own future. They scare her for their apathetic stance to the ills of our society. They will have to grow up and see the cruel face of life one day, and Amber will not be there to help them! What then!?

7. They're not beautiful like tigers
Tigers scare Amber too, but at least they are beautiful. (Amber can be superficial like that sometimes)

8. They invite guests over and then eat them
See #3

9. They never call when they say they will
Seriously. Somebody should start a Correspondence 101 for Spiders class.