Customer service innovation

After spending about an hour on the line today with Shaw customer service, I have identified a much needed new feature to ease those long minutes passing: Phone Sex While You Wait (tm).


Your call may be monitored by perverts for reasons you don't want to know. Using your keypad, please enter your sexual orientation. Press 1 for heterosexual. Press 2 for bisexual. Press 3 for homosexual. Press 4 for other, and a psychologist will be with you shortly.

...minutes later...

If you want me to take my shirt off, press 1. For taking my skirt off, press 2. For ripping it all off, press 3. If you just wanted to sit and talk really, press 4 and a psychologist will be with you shortly.

....more minutes later....

I am sorry. The size you entered does not seem to be enough to elicit this kind of moan. Would you like to have a less enthusiastic moan today? Press 1 for yes. Press 2 if you want me to fake it.

.....even more minutes later.....

If you are under a lot of stress at work, press 1. If it is your medication to blame, press 2. If you "don't know what happened, this never happened before. Seriously," press 3.

...........tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock..............


beeeeepbuzzzzbeeeeep...

Hello, my name is Steve. Thank you for waiting. How can I help you today?